Why I’m Here With You

I’m a mom to a tween daughter, and anxiety has been a constant in my life. In 2020, things escalated, leading to a two-year struggle with panic disorder. By the end of 2022, I was exhausted—mentally and physically—by the brain fog, sleep deprivation, and overwhelming dread. I felt like I was failing as a mother and a person, and I knew I needed to take back control of my mind and body.

I created this blog as a space to share the tools and strategies that helped me break free from the cycle of fear that had kept me trapped and work toward becoming a better role model for my daughter. Hopefully, it can help some of you avoid some of the pitfalls I fell into. Looking back now, I can see those panic attacks as my body’s way of forcing me to confront what I was telling myself about how I had to live. They were a wake-up call, and I can now say I’m grateful for them.

Positive Disintegration is the theory that our anxieties and neuroses are signs we’re ready to grow. That crises are not just unavoidable but necessary for psychological growth. According to this idea, parts of ourselves need to “disintegrate” so we can rebuild healthier patterns and ways of thinking.

Developed by psychologist Kazimierz Dąbrowski, Positive Disintegration suggests that these breakdowns allow us to evolve, pushing us toward our truest selves.

“For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out, and everything changes.” — Cynthia Ocelli

My journey into mindfulness started as a last-ditch effort to find relief from panic, where self-bullying and medication had proved ineffective. I wasn’t expecting much, but I was willing to try anything. I stumbled across an interview with Anderson Cooper and Dr. Judson Brewer, where they discussed how science is proving mindfulness to be as effective as medication for mental health and I was intrigued enough to give it a real shot. That’s when everything changed.

What began as a search for relief from panic attacks turned into a path back to life. I realized that I had been so caught up in the daily tasks of motherhood that I’d lost touch with the meaning behind what I was doing. Years of ignoring my own limits, needs, and instincts had left my nervous system depleted. If you’ve ever felt like your emotions are out of proportion to the situation, or like your actions aren’t aligning with your intentions—if you’re just plain tired of being tired of everything—you’re not alone. There’s a way out. The good news? You already have the tools within you. I promise.